Life In Balance

I'm 26, and this is my life.

2011-05-27T10:50:00.000-07:00

I'm getting ready for some big changes, in so many ways. Those of you who know me well probably know the changes that are coming and if you don't feel free to ask me....maybe I'll tell you. Today is my 26th birthday, and I feel the best I've ever felt in my own skin. It's taken me awhile to get here, and of course I still have work to do. Yes I am a Gemini and though I fit into the "definition" of a Gemini in some ways, I'm also so not a Gemini in some of the ways. I do have my two sides, my crazy fun wild side and my introverted quiet me-time side. I love to give all I have to those who I love who deserve it, and I don't give my love freely to everyone. If you haven't earned it, back up off me! That is me in a nut shell. I can't wait to see what lies ahead for me. Starting another year like this with some big transition coming means a lot to me. It scares the crap out of me, makes me so excited I get butterflies like I almost never get anymore, makes me want to pee a little, makes me want to scream and yell and cry. Over the years (especially the last few) I've encountered some really amazing people. I truly believe everyone comes in and out of our lives for a reason, and some are more important at different stages. I've been blessed with a wonderful family, as well as so many friends and teachers I wouldn't trade for anything, not even a piece of peanut butter chocolate. To me the best friends are those who I learn from, and the best teachers are the ones I can be comfortable with enough to call a friend in some sense. So, this goes out to them....the ones whom even when I may not see or talk to them often, truly know me. All the people I wrote about here are the ones whom I learn from the most, whether they mean to be my teacher or not, they are. They are the best teachers I've ever had. Thank you for being my teacher, friend, love, support, crutch, inspiration, source of laughter, dancing partner, and everything else I could need. For those whom I didn't touch on here (Steve, Neil, Martha, Ben, Ugonma, Cory, Mark, and so many more) this goes out to you cause I love you too, I simply can't write a book as a blog post. One day I do hope to write a book, and surely you will all be part of it. I've got an interesting, heartbreaking, tragic, painful, wonderful and sometimes funny, family story. And I've got quite a few experiences and stories of my own wish so many more to come, I feel I must write a book one day!

The first and always the most important (for me) is family. These are the people who know me from day one, before I even had my own thoughts or personality, when I was soooo innocent (yes there was a time). These are the people I learn from the most because they test me the most, the ones whom drive me to the point of yelling curse words into thin air when I'm alone, the ones who love me unconditionally in the most special of ways. They are my heart and soul.

First, siblings. Timmy is my younger brother and he is something else! He is wild, rebellious, sensitive, intuitive, smart-mouthed, hilarious, and everything else a young man should be. He is finding out what he wants in life...aren't we all? He has always had a special way of pushing my buttons, as most brothers do. He also gives me such love and acceptance, that I can never thank him enough. He used to squeeze my thigh muscle to make me laugh when I was pissed at him. I remember when he called me a bitch for the first and only time ever when I was hormonal in high school and how bad he felt when I cried about it. He supports everything I have ever done, and I feel he strives for my support in his decisions. I think many younger siblings do this without even knowing....we always try to impress our elders, it's natural. Timmy doesn't have to try to impress me, he shows me something new with everything he does (whether it's from getting good grades or making tons of money or making some not-so-smart decisions). I've learned over the years that even though I want to be extremely over-protective (don't get me wrong if anyone tried to mess with him even though I'm not a fighter I would seriously mess them up in any way I could), I have to let him make his judgement calls and learn from his mistakes just like everyone else. Isn't it funny that we can watch our friends or people whom we're not invested in make a bad decision and pay their dues...but when it's a loved one we cannot imagine watching them do it! We want to save them from pain. We have to show them the right way, we have to help! I'm still working on my process of letting go of him, to let him be his own man and work it out for himself. I think I'm pretty good about actually doing this, but I'm not so good about feeling it. In my head and heart even though physically he's much larger than I have ever been, he's still my little guy, still the one I want to hold onto while we get on the bus.

Kelly is my step sister, the ripe age of 17. It is like a breath of fresh and pure air to watch her grow. I used to hear myself or my friends described that way and I thought they were just being silly old people. Now, even at 26, I know exactly what they meant. It really seems like she was just a little girl, and now I look at her and see a young woman. When she moved into my house I was the 17 year old, and I was a real piece of work. I was angry, rebellious, smart-mouthed, sad, self-centered, and plenty of other things I won't name. I can proudly say I see not one of these traits in her. She is one of the most poised, intelligent, and composed teenagers I've ever laid eyes on, planning on pursuing medicine. I'm kind of jealous of her too, and I'm not scared to admit it. We took her and her friends out to dinner for her birthday and I could not believe how mature she was compared to most of them. Not meaning to bash her friends cause I acted just the same as they did....but she was literally an adult next to them. Sure she has some challenges just like everyone else, but it seems she sees them through the lens of reality. She sees what is true, rather than a pretty painted picture as so many teens do. Sometimes I wish I had what she seems to when I was her age, but I remind myself that I went through those years in the way I was supposed to: as one of the most difficult children to grace the lives of my parents (until Timmy came into his rebellion). It is a gift for me to watch her grow, and it's a gift to my family that she is a part.

The Fatherrrrrrrr. Simply put: my father is my light. He has always supported anything I've ever wanted to do, and I know he always will. He tells me to chase my dreams, he sees me as his daughter who is still a baby but also lets me be a full blown woman. When I watch him in the way he leads his life he is sometimes so self-less and giving. And then he is also very self-serving in some ways, which has been a great learning process for me to do more of what I WANT and not what others want me to do. When I told him I was going to Mexico to do a yoga teacher training a few years ago, and a lot of others including my friends were saying but wait you don't have a job....he was the one who's first words were telling me to enjoy myself. He is the one whom everyone wants to have at their parties...he's a great dancer, socializer, and he knows how to work a crowd. His 50th birthday party was bigger than any party I've ever had! Underneath the surface of the dancer and party man, is the most tender and loving man I've ever known. I had a different kind of childhood than most. I played lots of sports but never watched them...some of my fondest memories of my Dad are jamming to Michael Jackson or the "Love Shack" in front of the TV. A favorite past time was riding in the car with Dad with the windows down on the bumpy road without a care in the world except if he was going to maybe hit a tree from driving so fast (thank Jeebus he didn't). He would make us watch sentimental movies and cry and hold our hands. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever find a man who will really live up to what my Dad has been for me...I'm not sure if that's good or bad for the man I marry one day! The more I learn about my Father as a person and not just the picture I painted in my head of "this is Dad", the more I love him and cannot imagine my life without him. Living with him for these past two years has been quite an experience, and I have many fun stories but that should be saved for another day. He's put up with a good amount of my kitchen mess with the juicer, blasting music when I work out early in the morning, and leave my stuff everywhere....it seems I've gotten messy with aging. I guess I'm more like him than I thought.

My Mother is the last on the family list but certainly not least. She is me and I am her. We of course differ in so many ways right down to our philosophy on life by some views. When it comes to the core (as well as physical appearance), I am my Mother through and through. She is so intelligent, sometimes it may be too much. She is extremely sensitive and loyal, and has given so much for her family, I wonder how she still has time to give to herself. Formally trained first as a dancer and engineer, she gave up what she really loved for the people she really loved: family. I wish I had known her as a younger woman, just as I wish I had known her mother as a younger woman. My Grandma has been a source of learning and lessons too. I bet they were both crazy and beautiful and so similar to me yet also so different. I feel so blessed that I had my Mom at home with me during my childhood. Even though I can't seem to remember much about being a kid, I have tid bits here and there and they are all beautiful. Even the painful memories are beautiful, because they are mine. There are countless tales and stories of my brother and I and all the things we got to experience because we had a Mom at home with us: Timmy came in with his bone poking through his skin, Mom telling us to be quiet when we were having screaming matches in the garage, when he fell down the stairs and she caught him and I hid in the closet cause I was scared (didn't cross my mind to help the poor little guy), when I needed a Mom in the classroom cause my 1st grade teacher was an evil witch to me, or when we broke the flower pot and she yelled that it was in shock (we still laugh about that) and so on. She is the one who always made me want to be better. She made me want to be the best I could, and give all I had and more...because that's what she does. She is the one I wanted to impress with high marks on my papers because she's so smart, and when I did something that wasn't so smart, I dreaded telling her, for fear of the "mom look" and that tone of voice that could make Indiana Jones cry. As I make choices as an adult, she's the one whom I feel like the ten year old handing the report card to. When I am as old as she is and I'm taking care of her as she grows into an elderly woman, I feel I will still be craving for her to say "good job Alicia, I'm proud of you". She is one of my pushers, who keeps me in my place, who tells me what she really thinks, and who allows me to explore to find out what is right for me on my own. She often tells me how strange I am but when she says it she has such a look of love and almost admiration in her eyes, that I love her more for it. The birthday card she recently gave me said "don't ever change or mold yourself into what you think others want you to be." My initial thought was "well of course I wouldn't"..I rarely do that now. I know myself and I know that I would do that because I used to do it, a LOT. I'm so happy to be done with all that phony business, and to have my family accept me for what I am now...in all my glory and with all my flaws, just as I am now.

Casey: An old time friend of my Dad's from wayyy back. They worked together during their ripe 20's as special ed teachers, walking around together with m&m's in their aprons and trying to make sense of life. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall for those times. Casey and Dad worked together through my younger years and stayed good friends when my he eventually left the classroom. I remember seeing Casey as a kind of mystical figure when I was a kid. She always seemed to be around at random times, and I always enjoyed those random times...a LOT. I remember a few conversations between her and my Dad where I was permitted to be the observer, and I always found it fascinating the way she was able to speak her mind so easily. She called my Dad an a$shole during one car ride, which I don't clearly remember...but she told me I laughed from the backseat. She taped a picture of Tom Cruise over my Dad's school ID badge and it stayed there for weeks before he noticed. When I was going through some major hurt, we watched G.I. Jane because she said it was the one movie that always reminded her that women CAN kick any man's ass. She was right, helped my mood immensely..go Demi Moore! When we had a discussion about the end of one of my relationships and I said "I'm still really angry", it stuck with me that she said "really? I can't tell, you're smiling." It was then I realized how much I still covered my emotions. Who the hell was I protecting...her? Myself? Whether angry, sad, jealous, happy, crazy, whatever it was...I vowed to myself to let it out more, to really FEEL it. This change has been a roller coaster but I feel more alive, more Alicia....Martha helped me start this path, very gently. Casey is one of the people who showed me further down the path toward real feeling. It's fitting that she's been practicing meditation for years, and when I found this out I couldn't believe my Dad never told me! He said he forgot and figured it wasn't a big deal....silly Dad. It's only as I've gotten to know Casey for myself as an adult, completely separate from my Dad, that I see how wonderful and real she is. She is able to be objective with me and so I call her my spiritual Mom...she's separate enough from me to not be too invested to act like my real Mom. She is my sounding board, analyst, therapist, source of laughter, kick in the ass, comfort, and so much more. She also happens to be the one who turned me onto the idea for the move I'm making soon, and if not for everything else she is and does, I will be forever grateful to her for this reason.

Allison: my yoga teacher from my teacher training. She was such a guiding light for me in one of my hardest times. I was so confused, heartbroken, emotionally numb and begging for someone to crack me open because I didn't know how to get it back myself. In addition to the other amazing people at Yandara (training in Mexico), she was one of the most important people for the beginning of my getting re-acquainted with myself process. This lasted a long time after I left Mexico (probably still happening). I returned to Mexico a year after I finished my training for a visit, and it was so different but in the most refreshing way. It was less surreal and comforting, but it was more real. She was an image of perfection from the start, yet she was also flawed and perfect in those flaws. It was so nice to know her as more of a real person who had all her own sh*t to deal with, rather than the perfect yoga teacher who never had a problem in life. Her nickname for the two of us as a pair was Thelma and Louise, not so much because we caused trouble but because of the connection we had and the way we seemed to enjoy anything and everything we did as long as we were together. This is how I feel about a lot of my other friends, but it was crazy to me that I had this kind of relationship with someone whom I didn't even know that well and whom I had only known for one month during a retreat. It is what it is and even though we don't talk very much due to our different lifestyles, she's always with me. I think of her all the time, and I feel she probably thinks about me a lot too. As icing on the cake, she shares the same birthday! We are soul sisters through and through, and I can't wait to hopefully see her again one day.

The next person on my list is someone who is new to my life, but she is the one I see the most during these wonderful past few months. My yoga teacher / boss at Sacred Space is Kim, and she is the best yoga teacher I've ever had in addition to Allison. This woman is one of the most real people I've ever met. After reading one of her blog posts and relating to almost every single thing she said, whether it had to do with yoga or love or teaching or life experience, I knew that she was one of my soul connections. I have gotten extremely picky with the yoga teachers that I will attend class with, not because I'm cocky since I'm a teacher but because I would rather do yoga by myself most of the time...more freedom. Yet each and every time I step into Kim's class I learn something about myself, and something about teaching others. I'm kind of obsessed with yoga, as some of you know. I kind of didn't want to write this in fear of sounding shallow and then I remembered I don't really care, so I'll say music is very important for me in yoga. I've been to some classes with good teachers and their crappy music ruins it for me. Kim is like my music soul mate when it comes to yoga tunes...it's always just right: makes me want to dance, cry, laugh, go slow and fast, be crazy and calm. Kim said during one class she remembered days when the only time she felt ok was when she stepped on her yoga mat. As I read I thought "omg, I'm not the only one!" I remember those days....how do you think I got to the point where I can twist myself in such ways? LOTS of practice! Daily, sometimes two or three times a day, I had to be on my mat. I was at another studio when I decided to pop into Kim's class on a sheer whim, and my teaching at this other studio was going very well. I had been there for more than a year and I loved the community and the people I worked with. Yet when I met Kim I felt this compulsion to be there. It wasn't one thing I could pinpoint, but I felt home. I've had this happen with teachers before and it's not their fault but after getting to know them I'm sort of disappointed that they're not like this image they portray to students. Have you met those teachers that seem kind of detached or something because they hold back who they really are...because they want to seem like the "good yoga teacher"? I have, and I've done it. I say screw that, it's disappointing. I never had to face this with Kim cause as soon as I met her she was real from the start...how refreshing. I am known to be impulsive so I decided to sit on those feelings pulling me to come to her studio, to avoid making a rash decision. A few weeks later it was even stronger than it was in the beginning, and so I decided to make the change. This was a big move for me, and when I finally got past the guilt of leaving one place for a reason I couldn't really explain, what I felt and what I still do feel at Sacred Space was bliss. Kim has taught me in just a few months about being more ME, and not giving a crap of what other people think. Of course she is a Gemini and her birthday is the day after mine, so it makes perfect sense that we are one and the same in so many ways. Being a part of her studio for a short time is such a gift and blessing. Not all studios are like hers and I hope she knows what a true gift she has in her hands, and the gift she has for being able to create what she has. Her studio would be nothing without her, she is the guiding light, the heartbeat, the deep core within. I feel sad to leave this studio, I feel like it took me long to find it! Yet I also take comfort knowing that when I come home there is a safe space for me to return to practice, learn, move, and feel. I've gotten bored of a lot of teachers before, and one perk of leaving her so soon after beginning my practice with her is that I know I'll never get bored. It's wonderful to have teachers out there that you still crave time with but can't have it...it keeps motivation high. I feel comforted knowing that she's still thriving and doing her thing, even as I move on. People like her are what keeps me moving.

Manu: this woman! Not much I can say about Manu except that to know her is to make my life more. Not more this or more that, simply MORE. More me, more her. As is a theme with this friends list…she is so real. I met Manu through Molly at a girls night get together, and I was immediately wondering to myself: "Who the hell is this girl and how can I know her?" Before I get into the reality of Manu, I want to paint the picture of her looking like a super model, she is a 6 foot tall brazilian goddess. So this makes her real persona even more refreshing when a man sterotypes her and she responds with: "are you serious, mother f*cker? what's really going on with you?" They literally don't know what to do with themselves. My love for this woman runs so deep for countless reasons; I have often told my friends and she has told her boyfriend (much to his dismay) that if we were able to be lesbians, we would be the perfect couple. I would drop the subject and thought of men in a second for her. She has been there for me through some really intense times including finishing getting over my first love (do we ever really get over the first, the fairy tale?) and getting over the next one that was different but still stung like hell, my best friend moving cross country, deep sadness and anger, confusion, and probably every other emotion in the book. She gently points out when I'm acting like a royal b*tch or brat, but lets me experience it and feel it so I can finish it. I can't help it it's just in my nature...I want what I want when I say I want it. I have learned that I may not always get it : ) My memories surrounding Manu are so full of joy from dancing, drum circles, crying together over heartbreak, laughing over past experience, ranting on the phone about my job, watching movies, bicker, bitch about family, it's almost as if all of those experiences are the same simply because I feel so full when I'm with her, no matter what we're doing. Even as we both move into different phases in our lives, I know she will always be with me and we will only grow closer as we age. A letter she wrote to me recently brought up so many emotions about leaving her, I could only have a good long cry (I don't have those too often) and I could barely get off the floor after. She is the one (not a man, but my best friend), who made me seriously question whether I wanted to leave MD. I can't imagine willingly leaving a place where she is...yet I've got a force pulling me that won't stop. Only she could express anger, love, guilt, remorse and excitement all in one letter so perfectly. She said I allowed her to really come into her own craziness, into more of HER. Yet that's what I feel she's done for me. I've learned so much from her, on so many levels. She has been through some major pain in her life and watching her deal has shown me what I always needed to know. I used to cover over emotion, pretend like everything was ok, including me. I watched her look her pain in the face, take it all in, hold it, slap it in the face, own it, whatever it was it was hers. What a lesson for me to learn! Even though I have no idea what her life is leading to her soon, I can't help that think for some reason that she is headed toward creating her family. I can't wait to be a part of it. I had a dream a few weeks ago that I had a baby boy. While I would LOVE to have a baby boy and I think I someday will (and he better have that beautiful curly hair that was in my dream), I really don't think it's in my horizons anytime soon...I feel that this baby boy could perhaps be hers! Who knows if I'm just being crazy, but I have a little tiny inkling. Manu if you have a baby boy soon, don't say I didn't tell you first!

Molly: ahh Molly, where shall I begin. Molly is a woman I met during one of my darkest hours. I remember when I met Molly and how I was so impressed by her, how I felt like a child next to her, how I wasn't really sure how to act. I remember it being something like: "Well, just be yourself. But...who am I?" In addition to some major emotional turmoil I was in, my grandmother had recently passed away. I had just started doing yoga and I started going to actual yoga classes at the studio where Molly worked. After a few weeks the manager asked me if I would be interested in working at the desk so I gave it a go. Enter to my life a new community: Molly, Kelly, Colleen, Melissa, Jessica, Ashley, Michelle, Jill, Kate....all wonderful women. All of these women became friends and we had a real blast working together even though the owner was seriously off her rocker...it made for good stories. Colleen "trained" me first and I remember my first night ever training, Coll was enjoying a bottle of wine before a concert...was it Boones Farm Coll? ; ) Right away I knew I had found some awesome women. The next time I worked I met Molly, another fiery red-haired woman with an amazing sense of humor working at this new-age place. I got to know a few yoga students and some of the teachers, and I was overwhelmed with everyone I was meeting, simply because they were all such good people. I had been around good people before, but not like this. What was I to do with myself? After a few weeks of being in the community there, I started hanging out with these girls, and my life seriously took a turn. As I got to know Molly and Colleen better, I began to know true friendship. We had some of the most fun nights I've ever had dancing, playing wine flip cup (yep, the old Alicia), eating grilled cheeses (it must have been 10 in one night), meditating, stealing parking cones, doing yoga, having deep discussions, watching Tourettes guy, etc. It was when I began cultivating the kinds of friendships I have with these women that I finally began to understand that I needed to find out what I wanted out of life. I was at a major turning point. As I got to know them better I realized I barely even knew myself at all. Through the first few years of my friendship with Molly I lost my job, began teaching yoga, and got in touch with some serious issues I had. I watched Molly struggle with her career as a teacher, decide to leave it for Chinese medicine and acupuncture, and move her entire life to Colorado. I also watched Colleen leave her career to begin nursing school. How inspiring to see them do what they wanted, without any real assistance, and still go for it! Words cannot express my sadness at Molly's decision to move, but I think I hid it well....at least for a few days? I cried my eyes out when Ben drove me away from her going away party. I remember thinking she was dealing with it all so well as she prepared to leave MD....she was leaving the state she grew up in, her wonderful friends, her beautiful family...how was she keeping it so together?! Now as I prepare to jet off, I am kind of devastated at the thought of leaving my family, my friends whom are my whole soul, my yoga studio that feeds me, a drum circle and dancing community so right for me that I make it a must as a part of my schedule, and a job that I love (sometimes hate) all in the same breath. Yet I also have a force pulling me so hard that it's almost as if I don't have any choice in the matter. I have so much anticipation for everything before me...I can't really touch it with my mind yet without having a little mental freak out. So I'm not touching upon it just yet, I'm choosing to be fully in my experience now that I have with my family and friends, all these moments that are so easy because I'm close to them. The last minute coffee date with Manu or Tamar, the decision on a whim to drive into DC to dance, calling my Mom for dinner because she lives five minutes down the road, having Dad race into my room because my music is too loud, stopping in Columbia to meet Casey before dancing in Baltimore...all these gifts are going to become so infrequent that it may seem like it never happened. I feel like I'm prepared but I also know in my mind I have no idea how hard it's going to hit me. Which is ok, I can deal. What lies before me is all the unknown, which is kind of nerve racking but also very exciting. I embrace the unknown, I have to. Bring it on! After Molly moved the most amazing phenomenon happened: we became better friends. We are as close now as we have ever been, and I feel so happy to say that I know deep down she will always be an important figure in my life, no matter where we go. We have fun fantasies about living together as old women with a pet goat. The reality in my mind is that wherever our lives take us, I can't wait for her to be a part of it somehow, in a way I probably can't even imagine because life always surprises me.

Tamar: one of my best friends from high school. Tamar is so important for me, she's like my rock at times. Out of all the people I went to high school with she is the one I keep in touch with consistently, and the one I never really expected to be so close with. I think we've surprised each other with how much we've both grown up in the past years. We used to do ding-dong ditch nights and make prank calls, which was insanely fun. Now as adults, we can have discussions about things that really matter, and laugh about the dumbest things ever. I think part of the reason behind this is that Tamar has always been true to her emotions, no matter what they are. For me, I have sometimes been a little more analytical in my thinking in the past few years...and so seeing Tamar be so real with her emotions has been a lesson for me; a reminder that not everything has to be this or that, it can be about the feeling! This means road rage, which Tamar is a pro with expressing. And she is the most giving, amazing person. She is a wizard in the kitchen and can make things that would make you give up ANY diet. She can make you look like a movie star (or a hooker, whichever you prefer) by doing hair and makeup with the simple twist of her hand that seems so natural. And she has an eye for designer merchandise that really doesn't compare with anyone I've ever met. She kind of makes me want to be in Sex & The City, but I just don't care enough. She also knows that a Louis Vuitton bag doesn't mean sh*t when it comes to real issues in life, and she has been through her share. She has been my teacher through some of my toughest moments as well. She has seen me through my worst pain and some of my most enjoyable life-altering decision making. And every step of the way she has simply said "good for you, go for it, you're going to be okay." Tamar, the Alicia from middle school, the Alicia from high school, the Alicia from college summers, the Alicia from a few years ago when I was so out of balance but you never made me feel that way, the Alicia from a few weeks ago at Starbucks having one of the most hilarious conversations ever....all of those Alicia's always loved you the same, and I love you the same now.

Jen: One of my college roommates and tennis teammates. Pretty much the same story goes for Jen as it gos for Tamar. I met Jen when we were both so young, ripe age of 18! We were both a wee bit underdeveloped in terms of maturity and size, and so I felt a connection with her as one of the "runts" of the team. Jen is SO talented as an athlete, she was so damn fast on that court and I would have hated her guts for it if she weren't the sweetest person I've ever met. We lived together our sophomore year until graduation at the lovely age of 22...my my what a year that was for me (yikes!) Jen has been there for me through the ups and downs, and when I see her now we even still have the most stimulating, intellectual, emotionally investigative conversations I've ever had. Of course we laugh too because laughter is medicine and cures all. She is one of my soul mates for sure and through her travels to Cuba to work for the FBI (yep she's a bad ass), and Hawaii to visit her sister, and Colorado to seek out a scorned man (you go Jen!), she is always an inspiration to me. She was an inspiration to me on the tennis court for so long, and she's an inspiration to me now off the court. She is also one of the friends whom I kind of expected to perhaps fade away after college. And she is the one whom surprised me again by always being the one whom I crave time with. She is another one whom has given me the support I've always loved in a friend, and also the kind whom tells me maybe I should think twice about something. I have so many cards around my room from her, and I have a necklace that says "To thine own self be true" by Shakespeare that I hope I never lose...I have a tendency of losing things.

DeWayne: I went to elementary school with this guy. Imagine this: kindergarten class in the hallway in a line. Dewayne is a young rebellious loud mouth bad ass five year old who refuses to stand in line. Alicia is an undersized smart mouth princess who thinks she knows everything, probably wearing something pink and mis-matched because she insisted on dressing herself. Alicia proceeds to tell Dewayne to get in line and listen! Dewayne slaps Alicia right across the face, hard, with no apology to follow. He should have been in line, but I got mine! And I thank him for it every time I see him. From there my Mom thought it best to play nice so she set up a lunch date and we became great friends. He wore my tu-tu on his head at my birthday party. My Mom later became a mentor for him through his elementary and middle school years, and he became a part of my family as all my close friends did. We had a special relationship until we got a bit older and grew apart...as the teenage Alicia became more of a brat and Dewayne kept pursuing his goals with gusto, we went on different tracks for a bit. I came back to him every so often in my mind and he always made me smile. I saw him a few times during our college careers and he always impressed me. He impressed me finishing college with no outside help, he impressed me running track and competing the way he did while I was hungover for many of my tennis matches...whoops. Recently he moved back to MD after living in NYC and we had a night to ourselves to catch up. I have never laughed so much in the span of 6 hours as I did with this man, how I had forgotten what a wonderful and real person he is! We sat at my brothers' restaurant for beer and then went dancing. While sitting and talking we combed through so many memories that we never got to share from sex and relationship stories to roommate horrors and academic challenges. When we got out dancing he experienced house music my way (he's a reggae guy) and after spending some time laughing at all the crazy people that are to be seen in DC, we made our way home. On the way home we sang at the top of our lungs to Florence + The Machine and Tortured Soul, and he lectured me reminding me how lucky I am (as he always used to do)...it was such a fitting moment and a perfect night. This is one of those friends whom I don't see much and whom I rarely talk to simply because we are both so busy, always on the go, and bad about picking up the phone. When I do see him it is full of bliss, and when I think of him I get that same feeling. And then it's all real because I feel it, right?

Jason & Jon & the dancing crew: These guys are also known as "For Quarters Collective". I met them through Colleen at a random social gathering. They happened to be spinning on the DJ tables and I was into the music, so Molly and I showed off some not to smooth tae-bo moves...which certainly got us some nice looks from the crowd at the bar. That was two summers ago and my life has seriously changed since then. Even through moving out of Baltimore, I have continued to go out for the music of these guys. It's all about the music, but it's all about so much more. Everyone that surrounds them is amazing: their family, wives, children, friends. I've been introduced to other musical hot spots because of them. I've had some nights where I go out dancing all by myself because of them and I have a spectacular night because of what they have provided for me. They are all about fun and love and light, but they also know the importance of friendship, good actions, and family. They are so open and loving, but I also feel so protected by them and I know they would have my back for anything I needed, any time. I've met one of the best dancing partners I've ever had through them. I remember the first few times I saw him and I seriously thought he was a professional dancer by the way he moved with this woman he was dancing with. After getting over intimidation and the "not good enough" feelings, I eventually danced with him not just a few, but many nights. He's one of the few men I've met who aren't into dancing for another motive, but really all for connection, moving together, and learning from each other. I've learned SO much from him, and for him I send out my biggest wave of love.

This ends my tribute to my soul mates. This was sooo much longer than I expected it to be but because I love writing and it felt wonderful to do it, so take it or leave it, do what you want with it. Thank you to all these people and to everyone else too, for helping me to be more me. It's because all of you are true to yourselves, that I learn how to be more so for myself. Now I'm as crazy as I've ever been, and I feel pretty good about it. I pass people on two lane roads, play techno music in yoga class, bite the doctors I work for, dance at work, go dancing in the city by myself until 3 am, don't eat meat but I do eat m&m's when my fave doctor brings them to work; my hair is crazy (sometimes I like it) and I shake it around like the great goddess Kali that is my favorite yoga guru to think about, I fall asleep in the middle of yoga class, I don't drink alcohol often (anymore) but when I do I have a tendency to flirt too much. There are more special people out there whom I don't know yet, and I can't wait for them to be a part of my life. So much of my learning in the past year has been from the doctors I work for and my co-workers. You all will have a post dedicated to you very soon, I love you all mucho!

Uhhh...summer clothes? Maybe a Fast is in order.

2011-04-21T15:58:00.001-07:00

In light of the lovely we’re having (finally it’s here!) and summer approaching (hello bathing suits), I thought I would write about good ways to keep the diet light, and maybe even a fast if your body is ready for it. I myself tried on some summer clothes recently and though I always work on loving myself and giving myself space to not be “perfect” (what does that really mean anyway?) and blahhhh blah all that…I was thinking I need to clean up what I’m eating. I did a fast a few months ago and loved it, but one cannot fast all the time! So, here are some easy to understand tips. I’ll go over how to fast, techniques to use to support the fast and make it easier, and the importance of how to break the fast. I’ve done quite a few fasts and different kinds, so I mostly talk from experience. Everyone’s experience can be different. Some people have a REALLY hard time fasting, and for some it’s easier. For me I have a better time fasting with juice than with whole food. It’s different for everyone.

First, a note about fasting. Fasting is the most cleansing thing you can do for the body, but because it’s so cleansing, many of us are not ready for it. Most of us may be better off beginning with a clean diet full of fresh fruits and vegetables (lay off the starches and proteins for just a few days or a week), and then give it a go if you still feel pushed toward a fast. Once you think about digestion and the way the organs move what we consume, you can see why a fast right from eating lots of meat and sweets may not be the best idea. A fast puts the digestion on pause. So, if we are full of toxins (the more meat, processed food, sugar, alcohol, etc), the more the system has to clean. I really advise to take at least a few days to a week of clean food before trying a fast. And this diet of clean food can be the fast in itself! When we fast, all of our toxins are brought to the surface of our cells (symptoms can show up…typical example: headache). If the toxins are brought up and they’re not moved through by any cleansing food, they just hang out and a fast can actually do harm rather than good. So, think about how clean you keep it. If it’s not so much, clean it up for awhile before you try the fasting.

There are tons of fasts one can try. I do NOT recommend water fasting and the master cleanse fast, you will not find advice here on how to do those! I don’t think they’re safe and I don’t think they provide much benefit especially not in the long term. I do recommend raw fasting, fruit and / or vegetable fasting, smoothie fasting, and juice fasting. I’ll go over each of these methods briefly and there’s tons of information you can find out there to support which you choose. One should approach a fast with caution and really tap into how the body feels during the process. If and when it’s too much you will probably know, so don’t push it if it’s not feeling safe. Many people recommend to take off work or do a little stay-cation to fast. In a perfect world that’s wonderful but for most that may not work. I fasted while I was working and just made sure I had my provisions. I did just fine, don’t be scared! There are some techniques I’ve discovered among my experiments that make a fast much more tolerable, and I will discuss them after I go through the kinds of fast one can do.

Okay here we go into the ways we can fast:

First fast and perhaps the easiest to handle physically will be a fruit and vegetable fast. During this fast we can eat any kind of fruit and vegetable we like. The more cleansing ones will be the less dense (stay away from starch vegetables like potato and winter squashes). Bananas and avocados may want to be avoided. Internet sources for the level of cleansing from each fruit and vegetable could be useful…tons of sources out there..google is your friend! The more water dense the food, the more it will cleanse. You want to think of the kinds of nutrients you’re getting from these foods. If you’re going to cook the foods, best to keep it light and use a method like steaming instead of frying or using oils. Lightly steamed vegetables are very cleansing!
Raw food fast: very similar to the fruit and vegetable fast except everything is raw. This may be tough during the winter or for people who are already low body weight. Broth and tea can help with temperature. This fast includes eating any and everything that one enjoys as long as it is raw and a fruit or vegetable. So we could use raw nuts, but because nuts are very hard on the digestive system, I recommend to stay away from nuts and seeds during a fast. Stick to fruits and vegetables. Dried fruits can be used but make sure it’s the ones without sulfur as a preservative, and it’s helpful to soak dried fruit before eating (makes it easier on digestion). Ripe bananas and soaked dried fruit actually serves as a laxative. Bananas that are not fully ripened are binding, so stay away!
Fruit fast: the same as the raw food fast but only fruit. This can be a bit high in sugar so if you’re sensitive, I advise to keep vegetables in the diet. Fruit is the MOST cleansing food you can eat, so once again, think if your body is ready for that kind of cleanse. Too much cleansing if the body isn’t ready can be very uncomfortable…in the digestive system, mentally, energetically, just all around, uncomfortable.
Smoothie fast: who doesn’t love smoothies! Sometimes we get smoothies confused with blended meals these days. People put avocados, peanut butter, chocolate, protein powder, dried fruit, all kinds of crap in a smoothie. Of course it’s yummy! But for a smoothie fast, we want to stick to more clean things. This means fruit and vegetables. Yes I said vegetables! Adding vegetables to a smoothie balances out the sugar level…an all fruit smoothie is delish but the body processes it very quickly and it’s high in sugar. Adding some kind of greens to a smoothie packs more nutrients in and can help one to stay more satisfied longer. I did a smoothie fast recently and felt great with a juice first thing in the morning, a smoothie for late breakfast, smoothie for lunch, and smoothie for dinner. If you really need it, a dinner of salad or steamed green veggies is an option. The best way I’ve found to make smoothies is as follows

Always use one or two bananas, it makes it creamy and thicker
Always use a juicier fruit (apples don’t blend well! Think berries, oranges, mango, kiwi, pineapple, and papaya depending on preference)
Add some water but not too much to make it soupy, that’s just gross
Pick a green! One or two whole cups. The best I’ve found are spinach, cilantro, parsley, romaine lettuce, and celery. You can try others but most of the greens I’ve tried outside of this group can be a little bitter.

Juice fast: this is the last one, the ultimate, the most cleansing. You will need a juicer! If you have access to a local juice bar that’s great too but it can get expensive. I prefer to make and carry my juices. If you have a travel job this may require freezing the juice and / or using a cooler. If you have a fridge at your disposal throughout the day then you’re all set. This fast involves ONLY juice. This is not the kind of juice we buy at the grocery store. This is freshly pressed juice (not squeezed and not blended, it’s a different process). When thinking of what to juice, you want to combine the foods evenly. You want to have some kind of vegetable for the same reason we used with the smoothie with the sugar. 100% fruit juice is tasty but very high in sugar and not satisfying for long. You need to add vegetables! I’m going to give my favorites to use after experimenting, and you choose a combination that is even and balanced and that appeals to you. Remember the juicier the fruit or higher water content of the vegetable, the more you get for your money. So, pineapple is going to juice better than mango because of the density. Just as cucumber will juice better than kale because kale can get dry (in fact I never juice kale, a lot of people like it but I find it barely gives enough juice). My favorite fruits are: lemon, orange, kiwi, apples, pineapple & papaya (you CAN juice the rinds!), watermelon, pear, strawberry (leave the tops on), and peach. My favorite staple vegetables are: carrot, beet, romaine lettuce, jicama, cucumber, celery, collard green, beet top, parsley, cilantro, and spinach. You can of course experiment with others you find. I also throw in a small amount of raw ginger and raw garlic in most of my juices, just a little is all that’s needed, it’s very strong and different than when we cook it!

Here’s my sample go-to juice to give you an idea of good quantity:

· One large apple, pear, or peach

· One large orange (peeled, throw out rind)

· One lemon (peeled with peeler)

· Two full lines of celery

· Three romaine lettuce leaves

· Two collard green leaves

· One large beet

· Four large carrots

· One cucumber

· Two kiwis

· Small chunk of ginger and one little piece of garlic

You need to stir the juice and drink it within 20 minutes of making it to get the freshness (juice goes bad very quickly and it is GROSS once it gets bad or warm! Trust me). During a juice fast, there is a way to keep the juice good for one whole day so you can freeze it and / or take it with you. Blending one blender full of juice with three tablespoons of raw honey will make it stay fresh. This boosts the sugar of the juice but it makes it easy to take it on the go, so it’s worth it.

Making a big fresh juice in the morning is really helpful to use during any fast. It’s the best way I’ve ever found to start the morning off, it can keep you full for awhile or you can have breakfast a half hour after the juice. Fresh juice is processed in the body differently than food (even a smoothie is still whole food). A juice is a way to wake the body up but without putting stress on the digestive organs.

So, all you do during a juice fast is drink the juice all day. I tend to drink large quantities of the juice and it keeps me good for about four hours, but you can sip it all day long if you have the ability and the time to.

Now here are some tips:

NOT recommended to use alcohol or caffeine. Lighter on the caffeine is okay if you really need it….lay off the coffee and have green tea if necessary.
If temperature becomes a problem during fasting, using soup broth and / or tea will be helpful.
Food combining: there are tons of people who say food combining all the time is very important (example: don’t combine meat with starch..that means burgers are out). We don’t really have to follow those rules if we don’t want to but we should be mindful of combining during a fast. So fruits and vegetables should usually be separate unless their blended or juiced. Dried fruits only combine with bananas, and vegetables only combine with each other. This is because the foods move through the digestive system at different speeds. While we’re fasting, everything is processed quicker, it’s just natural. So it’s easier for the digestion not to confuse it with multiple food groups. Try to eat fruits separately or with a little space in between, and keep the vegetables separate all together.
I hate to bring up the bowel movement but it’s necessary here. We WANT to have a BM at least every day or every other day during a fast depending on how long you’re fasting. If you stop having BM, you want to use a technique or a little food to help push what’s stuck, through your system. We can use laxative tea (there are tons of types including Yogi Tea “Get Regular”, Traditional Medicinal “Smooth Move”…they are made of senna leaf). You can use an enema but it’s not something a lot of people want to use. If you’re really blocked up and it’s not moving at all, you can have a little fruit until it moves, and then go back into your regular fast! The more liquids you have, the better during a fast, even if you’re doing a raw food fast.
Hot bath is helpful with salt if you like, and sweating is good! You need to move and exercise during your fast, it helps to bring up the waste we’re trying to move out. Light exercise is best especially if you’re new to fasting. And, get some sleep…more than usual.
Dry brushing helps the skin to rid of the toxins that come up during the fast.
Netti pot can help to clean out sinus blockage. If you don’t know what it is, google and get one…it’s helpful for allergies and colds year round.
There are other methods of supporting cleansing that we use to “cleanse the lymph”. If you want to see more, read my post I did a few months ago on Ayurveda and how to clean the lymph.

Last I will discuss how to break the fast. It’s really simple to figure out, but it can actually be harder than the fast itself. We’ve been without food (or without the food we normally eat) for quite some time now. All of the sudden our head knows it’s time to eat and that we should start lightly, but our stomach says YEAAAAAAAAAAA BRING IT ON! And so, a binge can occur. This is not pleasant…believe me! My first fast was amazing and felt great, and I meant to break it with a salad. I ended up out for crabs with my family and after eating toxic crabs (but they’re soooo good) and a basket of fries, my poor tummy was not happy. My stomach cramps were some of the worst I’ve ever had, and I was still feeling it the next day. So, you need to think about what kind of fast you did. And you need to break it slowly and easily, SLOWLY building up to the regular kind of diet you eat. If you did a juice fast, you need one or two days with just fruits and vegetables. If you did a fruit fast, slowly add back in vegetables for a few days and then starches and then finally meat and regular foods after at least a few days or a week of cleaner eating. If you did a raw fast or a fruit and vegetable fast, slowly add in what you’ve been missing but start with starchy vegetables and whole food starches (like potatoes, don’t go right into processed bread and pasta). You want to work your way back into the regular diet. You want to keep portions small to start…think about it your digestion hasn’t had regular portions for a bit so it doesn’t need it yet.

This post was longer than I expected but there’s so much to explore and so much to know about fasting. It’s important to cover your bases before you dive into this world! If you have any questions you are free to email me at pattersonliving@gmail.com. Doing research on your own can be helpful too but it can be confusing depending on what you read, so stick to the basics and don’t obsess. Make it easy on yourself.

What's that pill for?

2011-04-04T15:56:00.000-07:00

Like I sometimes do, before I share this information I want to preface it with a personal note. I work in a doctors office that prescribes quite a bit of medicine for different reasons. I’ve seen hospital patients that are alive simply because of the medicines they’re on. I HIGHLY support using medicine if and when completely necessary. For example, anti-inflammatory medicine can be really useful to get inflammation under control fast when needed. That being said, I’m skeptical about using medicine long term if it can be avoided.

A lot of people whom like to deal with health issues more naturally like to stay neutral when it comes to healing by different modalities (like Switzerland, right?) Regarding medicine, there are so many people whom depend on medicine for their life. If my father needs medicine for his heart to keep him alive, of course I want him to use it! In the beginning of my exploration of “holistic healing” I thought all medicines were evil. Over time I’ve realized there’s a time for everything.

Problems come when powerful medications are advertised like candy is promoted... “well I’ll have some of this, and some of that…” There’s little correlation between diet and lifestyle and disease according to pharmaceutical companies. This becomes like shopping for candy with a child. Medicines cost little money now because of insurance so it’s almost like a free for all. For instance, a friend tells you a great medicine she’s using so at your next visit you ask your doctor about giving it a try and so the prescription is written and then that’s another pill to add to the list. I see SO many patients in office that literally carry a typed medicine list with them that’s almost a page long. It’s a great move from a business standpoint…once it became legal to advertise medicine publically there was a huge jump in pharmaceutical sales. To shut our eyes to this and pretend it doesn’t exist is denying the fact that billions of dollars are spent on promoting and using pharmaceutical drugs to treat disease.

Drug companies begin influencing doctors’ thoughts, feelings, and decision making process at an early stage. As soon as young students get into school, drug companies are all over them. Lunches, drinks, dinner parties…all the way through medical school and their practice, they are wined and dined. Who wouldn’t want free front row tickets to a rock concert because they prescribe the most number of prescriptions for a certain medicine? This is like when we go out to eat and we have no idea what really happens in the kitchen that puts the food on our plate. We have no idea what happens in the business of healthcare!

There’s a program called “No Free Lunch” started by young students to encourage colleagues in medical school to refuse to take gifts from drug companies while they’re in school. This new perspective is a good light in how to deal with this exchange.

Another issue with drug companies is that you can buy the same drug in another country for a small fraction of the price. Canadians get the drugs we pay huge co-pays for their friends in the US, and people from the northern US drive to Canada to get the worth-it drugs. In a country that talks so much about “free trade”, the barriers that have been set up by the drug company to disallow the re-importation of drugs is absurd! The drugs are made in the US, shipped to Canada, and then it’s illegal to ship it back here. This is because Americans need to be “protected” because no one knows what happens to the drugs once they’re out of our country.

Many prescription drugs these days are household names. Both doctors and citizens want to reach for the next prescription drug. We literally can’t sit down to TV at night and not see the ads for new drugs. The reason we see so much advertising is because it works. They can sell us anything, all we have to do is “ask our doctor”.

Government plays a HUGE role in the pharmaceutical industry. America is one of the richest countries and we deserve to be healthy and happy. Yet we’re rated 45 in terms of health and longevity, even though we spend more money by far than any other country in the world on health. If we evaluate health by dollar, it seems we’re not getting our moneys’ worth!

If you’re interested in more information about the healthcare industry, check out the movie “Sicko” by Michael Moore (our favorite trouble maker). Top level executives were on the defense when this started! What were they hiding? He discovered that the intent of pharmaceutical companies is to increase profit (just like any business). People at insurance companies actually get a bonus when they are able to deny healthcare (when you don’t spend money on someone it’s a company saving). Someone on trial during this movie stated in court: “I denied a man a necessary operation and thus caused his death. This secured my reputation and it ensured my continued advancement in the healthcare field.” Scary much?

In the worlds’ richest country, an ambulance ride can be denied AFTER care because it wasn’t pre-approved. When was she supposed to pre-approve it? After she gained consciousness in the car post accident? Before she got in the ambulance?

During filming, Michael Moore found there was one place on American soil that had free, universal healthcare. Yep that’s right…Guantanamo Bay. Who knew?! Detainees representing a threat to our nations’ safety and security are given access to top-notch medical facilities.

This post was written in a “fun fact” style, with lots of goodies. There is a ton more information with extreme detail that can be found, if you dare to explore. Ignorance is sometimes bliss so if you do wish to dive in, beware of what you might find!

* Resources from this article adapted from lecture by Joshua Rosenthal, founder of the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, and from the film “Big Pharma” and “Sicko”.

New Website and Photos

2011-03-31T15:12:00.000-07:00

Hello friends!

This is a quick post to update about a new website / business I'm launching. I've been working on this business for quite awhile and polishing the website has been the final step. Please feel free to share my information with the people in your life whom you feel might benefit from it.

Visit my new site for description of services and updates.

I also did a photo shoot with a photographer (many of you have seen already) and I want to put his name out there. His name is Carl Jr. and he is amazingly talented! He's a stand up guy all around and it was a pleasure to work with him. His website is http://www.cmsjrphotography.com/ and my album can be seen on his site here. I've made my own photo sharing site with Picasa on google too for more personal use.

Many of my blog posts are being published on another blog / website of a colleague, view The Yoga Treehouse to read more.

Thank you all for your support, it means the world to me and it wouldn't be easy without you!

With all the love I have,
Alicia

The Deadliest Diagnosis

2011-03-28T18:12:00.000-07:00

Let me preface this post by saying a few things:

If you're going to read, devote enough time to finish...at least a half hour unless you're a bionic speed reader. This post is VERY long, unlike most of my posts. The information is too useful to leave out.
I am not forcing the idea of the "Zone Diet" on anyone. I am just providing the facts given by one man who seems to have found something that works. I fully support that everyone should find the way of eating that works for them and that feels best. These ideas can simply be a support in mode of thinking when you decide how to eat. Or it can be nothing to you at all. We are all free to take what we want out of theories.

What is the deadliest diagnosis today? The topic of silent inflammation is an interesting one. In a lecture given by Barry Sears, PhD, I learned a whole lot about inflammation and its’ nature and causes. Inflammation is traditionally defined as redness, swelling, and pain. The modern approach to treating inflammation is anti-inflammatory drugs (Aspirin, Aleve, Motrin, Cortisone and the list goes on). All these drugs do is change the level of chemical in the body that causes pain. A more dangerous type of inflammation (discussed by TIME magazine) is silent inflammation. This kind of inflammation can linger for decades without even presenting pain, and causing more harm over length of time. This inflammation below the perception of pain attacks the brain, heart, and immune system. If under attack for long enough, the body is then riddled with cancer, heart disease, Alzheimer’s, etc. The purpose of this post is to help us wake up to the possibility of silent inflammation within ourselves even if we don’t notice it, and how we can try to combat it. Silent inflammation is the root of the cause of so many deaths. By using diet as medicine, we can keep it in check.

Obesity and type 2 Diabetes are some of the most deadly diseases in America today (caused directly by silent inflammation). Asthma, allergies, and any condition ending in “itis” is caused by silent inflammation. There are three stages of disease; in America we tend to focus on the last stage. This last stage is chronic disease, it’s what we see the doctor for. We can then take drugs every day the rest of our lives to control inflammation. The problem with this approach toward wellness is that these drugs have side effects such as immune suppression, osteoporosis, heart failure, and finally: death. More people die in America from taking the prescribed dosage of anti-inflammatory medicine, than from AIDS. So what can we do? We can think of our food as a drug. Yes we eat dinner with our families, holiday meals, but it is so much more than that. All of the nutrients we eat at every meal interact with each other to control our hormonal responses. Hormones are ten times more powerful than any pill you take. The food you eat can either increase or decrease the inflammation in your body.

I can’t go into the explanation of specific hormones and their reactions without writing a short book, but if you’re interested you can read up on insulin, glucagon, and eicosanoids. Eicosanoids aren’t a popular topic in the world of nutrition today, and they are very sparingly discussed, but they are VERY important to this process.

Where did all of this come from? To start, let’s talk about the increased consumption of refined carbohydrates (bagels, pasta, junk food). Have you ever seen a bagel tree, or a pasta bush? Nope! On top of this increase, our levels of Omega 6 fatty acids has sky rocketed…this means more oils we never used before. This adds a flame to the kerosene when we’re talking about inflammation. One thing that does control inflammation is the consumption of Omega 3 fatty acids. When consumed at high enough levels, this can be the biggest factor that can control inflammation. Unfortunately our intake of these acids have decreased significantly.

This is mostly a case of good genes turning bad. The genes of our ancestors are now being turned against us. We’re changing the expression of our genes. Thousands of years ago they never knew where the next meal would come from. These days we define famine as more than two hours between meals and snacks. Years ago the only medical treatment that could prevent you from dying early was a strong immune system.

We’re told that low fat diets are the way to go. “If no fat touches your lips, it won’t touch your hips”…right? Hormonally, not so much. Fat is not the villain! Replacing fats with carbohydrates does not reduce the risk of coronary disease, according to leading nutrition experts.

We can re-think our epidemic of obesity not as sloth and laziness. Obesity is adipose tissue and excess fat. When these tissues grow, it’s a tumor. When we think of obesity as a tumor, the options of treatment becomes different. We say we eat too much and don’t exercise enough…so we try to eat less and exercise more. Somehow this doesn’t seem to be working!

What does a calorie really represent? A calorie is nothing, if you put it in a furnace and turn the heat up, you see how much energy is released. This process is different in the body. The calories come in the body and are converted into chemical energy (we’re talking the process of ATP and how it runs the body. Without ATP, we’re dead within seconds). When thinking of metabolism, the metabolic rate simply tells you how efficient your body is in turning those calories into ATP. Those with a slow metabolism are efficient in making the chemicals of life. Those with a fast one are not as good at making the necessary chemicals…they pay the price down the road that they never anticipated.

Our genetic tendencies to become overweight is just the same as our tendency to reach the height we’re at. This doesn’t mean we will become fat, it just means we have that gene. This is all about how we express our genes. Obesity is a fat trap…the excess calories we can’t use at that time are converted into fat and stored. Those who are overweight aren’t bad people, they simply have more of a fat trap. They have to eat more food to feel okay to function throughout their day. If we consume too many calories, then we’re seen as a glutton. It’s important to know whether you have genetic predisposition for obesity, and to watch our your body expresses it’s genes.

If we don’t have a fat trap, we erase the calories quickly and make enough ATP and life is great…right? Like those people who eat excessively and never gain a pound. The fact is they are simply inefficient at converting calories into adequate ATP. They too have to consume more calories, otherwise their cells run out of fuel. They have a high metabolic rate, which seems like a good idea, except the calories they’re consuming are wasted in free radical generation. Simply because they can eat all they want and look great in designer clothes, doesn’t mean their insides are healthy. They are putting themselves at risk, and that is how the aging process is accelerated.

In either case, what happens when those who have a fat trap or a high metabolism try to cut back on calories? Easy answer: starvation. When we lose fat rapidly, our body starts using itself, literally. Our muscles and organs are cannibalized. That’s why when overweight people claim that they don’t eat a lot, they’re telling the truth…they really don’t. If the fat trap is operating (can’t use the fat) and we reduce calories, the body has to get the energy from somewhere. First choice is muscle and then organ tissue. This is how highly motivated people lose weight, plateau, and gain weight back again. This is the starvation format: they must either have more calories, or they slow down. It’s all an energy balance. Overweight people don’t keep expanding until they take up the whole room, nor do people who lose weight keep losing weight….eventually the body will balance itself out.

Unfortunately there is no cure for heart disease, diabetes, cancer, and obesity. But we can manage these conditions over a lifetime. We can keep it within our reach so it doesn’t get out of hand. Does the obesity cause inflammation, or does inflammation cause obesity? When there’s no clear answer, tons of smart people get together to talk for days and figure it out. Harvard medical school held a conference to discuss and finally reached the conclusion that inflammation proceeds obesity…”we don’t have an obesity epidemic, we have an inflammation epidemic. It’s not obesity that causes the disease; it’s only when the obesity spreads to other parts of the body that we get chronic disease.” One treatment for diabetics is to give them Aspirin…this balances blood sugar almost automatically. The problem there is they have to take a very high dose and this kind of dosage continually holds the risk of death. Dr. Barry Sears asks what if we had an anti-inflammatory diet that we could use day in and day out to ensure our good health?

It’s a fact by data that overweight people live longer in the US than normal weight people. Many obese people are actually healthy. There are actual health benefits from extra fat, until it starts to spread into the organs. One of the issues with rapid fat loss is that as you lose a lot of weight fat cells shrink. The toxins are squeezed out of the fat cells into the blood stream. The toxins then look for the next best place that is rich in fat….which is the brain.

Understanding the concept of the glycemic load measures the rate at which carbohydrates enter the blood stream. Before this system came to be known nutrition was simple: there were good (complex) carbs, and bad (simple sugars) carbs. Then someone did an experiment that proved that bad carbs entered the blood stream slower than the good carbs. Unfortunately the glycemic index is useless in terms of the real world (it’s great in laboratories). It’s been impossible to test the real effects of carbs from vegetables (it’s impossible to get one person to eat pounds of greens in one day). What’s important is to think about the glycemic load (this measures the amount and the quality of carbs and how one meal effects the body). For example the glycemic index is about the same for a serving size of a carrot, a potato, and a Coca-Cola. The glycemic load, however, is drastically different…the carrot is the lowest, then the potato, and the Coca-Cola throws blood sugar into a roller coaster.

Harvard medical school tells us it’s important to rate everything we eat based on glycemic load. The rate is higher for heart disease, diabetes, and obesity the higher the glycemic load in the diet. So, we all know junk food is bad (very high glycemic load). What we sometimes don’t consider is the glycemic load of “healthy” foods such as rice, pasta, and whole grains.

Ok so all of this basically sucks and we’re all doomed…what are we going to do, right? Wrong! It can be simple. Dr. Sears weighs the pros and cons of major diets followed by most people in the

(in the end one is the best to reduce silent inflammation). There’s Atkins (carbs are bad, evil, don’t eat them especially in the beginning). The next is the Zone diet (not too much carbs but you need some, carbs in moderation). Next we have the diet promoted by the US government, the Food Pyramid. This is the high glycemic load diet (the typical American diet).

First discussed is the Atkins diet. At first dieters lose a lot of weight, but most of it is water and muscle mass. They have eggs, sausage, and steaks! This diet is difficult to maintain not because people cheat, but because the hormonal reactions are difficult to manage. Who would want to cheat on this diet with what you get to eat? People typically lose a lot of weight in the first 6 months and then gain it back in the second half of the year. Another issue without a lot of the good healthy carbs is that people miss the vitamins and minerals.

Next the Food Pyramid, which preaches that fat is bad. The government spends billions of our tax dollars to push the idea that fat is bad for us. Telling us to eat lots of grains and starches, the USDA’s primary goal is to promote agriculture and business. What do we grow the most of in the US? Grains and starches! Easy formula huh? Dr. Sears joked: “How dare I say that the US government may be lying to you?” The Harvard medical school said “The USDA food pyramid is built on shaky scientific ground. It offers wishy washy scientifically un-sounded advice. It has never been tested to see if it really works.” Would you go to a doctor who asked you to try a medicine that has never been tested? Unfortunately the USDA food pyramid has been adopted by other countries in the world as the “right way to eat.”

Next we come to the Zone diet (between the two extremes). The Zone diet isn’t high in anything…any diet that is “high” or “low” in anything, is probably hard to sustain. The kind of diet we want to be eating uses moderation: moderate fat, moderate protein, moderate carbs. This is based on the glycemic load: lots of fruits, vegetables, and a balance of carbs and fat. Moderate in the carbs and fats. It’s flexible: you eat anything you want (within reason) as long as you can balance out the carbs and fats. This is more a way of life than a diet. It’s sustainable for a lifetime. In every study, the Zone diet has been found superior in insulin control, blood glucose control, blood lipid control, appetite suppression, fat loss, and reduction of inflammation. It’s confusing why most doctors are still recommending the USDA food pyramid diet to patients, when in a test done at Harvard medical school showed that without fail, the Zone diet was more effective in reducing chronic disease.

This can be really confusing without a personal computer to calculate everything you eat. Dr. Sears tries to put it into simpler terms to use in the real world: for every one gram of fat, consume two grams of protein, and three grams of carbs at every meal. It’s simple as 1 2 3! The trick is to do it the best you can every day. To understand this balance, we can use simple rhymes such as “protein moves around, carbs grow on the ground.” So fish and chicken = protein. Carbs can be the hard one: wheat, breads, pasta is obviously a carb. But what is asparagus? Welllllll it grows on the ground…..ding ding, carb! Apples are carbs too. Fruits and vegetables are low glycemic load carbs though, which is what sometimes confuses people thinking about carbs. At each meal divide the plate into three equal sections. One section is for one serving of protein no bigger than a hand (yes some hands are bigger than others, tough luck for the small boned people!) The other two thirds are filled with low glycemic load carbs. A hint is, these carbs should have COLOR! Then you add fat. How much? A DASH = a SMALL amount. Mostly mono-unsaturated fat (olive oil, guacamole). The burning question (and possibly the decision maker for some) is: can I drink alcohol? Good news is that alcohol pulls out the color from what it’s made from. Those properties that pull out the color (in high concentrations) are anti-inflammatory agents. The bad news is the more alcohol you drink, the more pro-inflammation you produce. So we come back to moderation. That means one glass of wine is good, two may be pushing it….one bottle empty on your own = you may have more to worry about than your glycemic load. At the end, the Zone diet looks a lot like the Mediterranean diet. The one difference is you eat less high glycemic load carbs like pastas and breads, and replace those with fruits and vegetables. More vegetables is always the answer, because 200 calories per day is the desired amount of vegetables to be eaten in one day…this is two pounds of vegetables. If the Italians can do it, we can do it.

Dr. Sears also goes into detailed studies done with animals that are deprived of fats. Quick summary = not good…we need fat! The only way to squeeze off inflammation is to control the diet. He discusses a patient of his in Mexico who weighed 1,230 pounds. This man was obviously highly inflamed. Desperate, the patient worked with Dr. Sears. He has lost 400 pounds so far and he has a lot more to go before he reaches 200 pounds. He’s already eating as if he weighs 200 pounds…it’s hard for this man to eat as much as Dr. Sears wants him to eat. And the shocking fact is that all of his blood work is normal and 100% healthy. He may be the healthiest man on our side of the world! Yes he has a tumor (obesity), but it is benign and it’s still shrinking in size.

The last point Dr. Sears stresses is the importance of taking fish oil. When taken in consistent high dosage and when one uses the best quality, this is a major anti-inflammatory drug. After discussing a study that showed that even when pigs were living on a “krispy kreme diet”, if they took the fish oil, their inflammation was kept at bay. This doesn’t mean we should try to live on a krispy kreme diet, but it gets the point across. He also discusses other examples of treatment of extreme illness with fish oil as a last resort, and that patients had miraculous recoveries. For example, multiple sclerosis is inflammation of the brain. A study that gave patients tons of fish oil and advised them to eat more fruits and vegetables, patients were having improved symptoms. It’s not that the progression was stopped, it was literally beginning to reverse. This is because drugs don’t get in the brain readily…but long chain fatty acids can. If we get enough in the brain, we reduce inflammation. Another study discussed the use of fish oil to treat children with ADHD…it worked! Childrens’ behavior significantly improved but as soon as the children stopped taking the fish oil their behavior once again turned bad. I’m not going to discuss this study at length because this post is already painfully long. Point is, the clinical benefits of using fish oil as a drug is robust.

Unfortunately there is no fish in this world today that is not contaminated. Even the purest kind, still toxic on some level. So when you buy the fish oil at the health food store, you’re buying the sewer of the sea (in capsule form). It was discovered how to make pure, concentrated fish oil. This is the kind we use for children with ADHD, for the patients who need real medical treatment. We need to buy the kind of fish oil that is EPA / DHA concentrates. This is “weapons grade” fish oil. If you’re healthy, a moderate regular dose is for maintenance. If you’re sick, the dosage goes up based on your toxicity level.

Let’s think about the future. If you’re a diabetic, try this: close your eyes. Lift one left. Try to walk around. This is what the future will hold. The costs for health care for diabetics is increasing. Though we can’t cure these diseases, we can manage them by using food as medicine. The future of Medicare holds asking recipients:

Do you mind if we withhold your free healthcare for 5 more years? Well this won’t happen because they will vote.
You paid 1970’s dollars so now we’ll give you 1970’s healthcare. This means here’s two Aspirin and call me in the morning. This won’t happen either because they vote.

On the other side let’s think about those whom are under the age of qualifying for Medicare. Ask them if instead of paying 2.9% of income for Medicare, how about paying 29%? That won’t happen either because they vote too. So then what happens? The government prints more money.

No…in all seriousness, this will happen unless we can turn back the tides of diabetes, the most expensive of all diseases. This can be done not with new drugs or gastric bypass surgery, but with an anti-inflammatory diet!

If this is the only paragraph you read in this entire post, remember it! This is your job for the rest of your life:

Take fish oil daily (the pure kind)
Do your best to balance out the glycemic load of every meal. Food should maintain satiety (lack of hunger)…snacking a lot should not be necessary because it simply changes the hormones and blood sugar in a way that we don’t need.
Moderate exercise is a must (for most Americans this can mean 15 minutes of brisk walking).
Sit back to “smell the roses” as Dr. Sears puts it. This is hard to do when we have so many things on our to-do list, but it’s important. Sit back in a comfortable chair and think of absolutely nothing for 20 minutes. Some may call this meditation, some may call it zoning out. Whatever it is for you, do it.

** Information and data for this post taken from Dr. Barry Sears lecture on “Silent Inflammation." Barry Sears, PhD is the founder of the Zone Diet, a pioneer in bio-technology and nutritional research, developing drug-delivery systems for cancer and heart patients, and a former MIT researcher. He holds over 13 patents for cancer treatments and the dietary control of hormones. For more information visit www.DrSears.com and www.zonediet.com.

My next post will be on the pharmaceutical drug industry, it goes hand in hand with some of the information discussed here.

The Art of Yoga Adjustments

2011-03-22T14:44:00.000-07:00

From love to science, there’s always more to learn about. As a yoga teacher, I was particularly interested to read someone else’s perspective on the technique of giving adjustments to students in yoga class. I have often felt somewhat uncomfortable at times giving adjustments to every single student. So, like any human might, I shy away from what I’m not comfortable with. Which is of course, the best decision when it involves touching someone and putting yourself in their personal space. I would definitely never want to make someone uncomfortable in a way that would make them not want to return to a yoga class. That is the exact opposite of what we strive for as teachers.

What we DO strive for, is to help people feel well taken care of, and assist them in a process of exploration. I personally love and crave adjustments in class…the more the better! Yet I know this is not the case for many. Things become extra touchy when a woman is adjusting a man, or vice versa. And if a man is adjusting a man, there are probably few people (especially in America), who would be comfortable with this. So when adjusting men, unless I am extremely comfortable with them and know their practice, I keep it on the extremely light side, or nothing at all. There are those token male yoga practitioners who are so skilled in knowing their body and appreciate full on body weight assists, (and have been regulars in class), that I have been comfortable to give them intense adjustments. This, is a rare yet wonderful occasion.

I’ve been present in numerous classes where the teacher is wonderful and very sensual…almost in a way that’s over the top. It is when the teacher knows how to handle themselves in the way they interact with students that influences the class’ experience. Of course I have no idea what the student is going through, but at times I have noticed teachers being too hands on in a way that is almost jarring to the student. Part of this is simply because of the nature of yoga. Yoga helps us get deeply in touch with how we feel and what’s happening for us. This can be a scary and vulnerable time! Sometimes it’s not always wonderful, and if someone is already uncomfortable, a yoga teacher being too hands on is the last thing they want.

When someone is new to yoga, emotions fly and it’s hard to know how to process them. As yoga teachers it is our job to leave them be and let them work it out. If we can assist them in making them more comfortable physically with a light touch, or a verbal cue, that’s the way to go in my book. It’s SO important for teachers to be mindful of everything that happens in their class…not only physically but emotionally and energetically. Sometimes it’s easy to get super excited about yoga and helping people feel it. We want them to get it right, we want to push them! We know how amazing it can be, but we can sometimes forget that this amazing feeling is how we feel it. Our students don’t need to be pushed; they need space to create it for themselves. They need to open to it when they are ready. I’ve learned the hard way you can’t make someone understand or feel something. If we are mindful, we can usually tell who’s sending us the signal that they would like the adjustment because it’s helpful or simply because it feels great.

Ayurveda Made Simple

2011-03-19T11:18:00.000-07:00

Cleaning the lymph and keeping it flowing. It’s all about our drainage system! All issues really come down to our drains and how healthy our lymph is. If our drains are clogged we get GI inflammation, inflammation of the joints, bowel issues, acne, mood swings, etc etc the ailments go on. The basic of the science of Ayurveda (the Indian medicinal system) is keeping the lymph and drains flushed and open. Ayurveda doesn’t have to be complicated; it is simply following the natural course of life and balancing our activities and diet to support what we need.

Here are some simple tips to clean the lymph:

Rub oil all over the body gently (olive, sesame, coconut all work well; in the shower is less messy)
Rub oils in the ears and up the nose in the winter time to stay lubricated and open (I gently use a Q tip with oil on the end and then wipe away excess oil with a tissue)
Neti pot: nasal cleansing pot with water and salt
Dry brush / body scrub: stimulates the skin system to move what’s underneath
Balance diet according to your “dosha” or type.

There are three different types of body / mind according to Ayurveda. Most of us typically have two main types (there are some whom embody all three and some whom are primarily one). There are also many of us whom exhibit traits of one type in our mind but of another in our body. Eating and living according to your type doesn’t mean you can ONLY eat certain foods and only do certain activities. It is a simply guideline on what may help bring you into a more balanced state. When you feel out of balance you can look to how you’re living and eating to make small adjustments to meet your full potential. For example someone who is Pitta (fiery) in nature may not want to eat a lot of spicy food during the warm summer months. Below is a brief description of the types and ways to balance them.

The types are Vata (air), Pitta (fire), and Kapha (water). Vata are usually thin, light, spacey, quiet, and artistic (by general description). Vata people may be more subject to anxiety, weight loss, varying appetite and energy, and depression. So Vata people will do well with warm, calming, grounding foods. They should stick to light activity and exercise that can help ground them such as meditation, dancing, yoga, light aerobics, and weight lifting to give them more strength.

Pitta is the fiery dosha. These are the people whom have tons of energy, average athletic physical builds, and good motivation. They can be subject to temper flares, over-heating and over-eating, and inflammation. Their balancing lifestyle will include light and calm / cool foods, steady physical exercise with some competition, and calming activities to balance with rest.

Kapha is the cool and damp dosha. People of this type are calm, grounded, and comforting. They can be subject to laziness, obesity, and stagnation. Activities to balance this dosha will be anything stimulating and vigorous. They have the strength for high intensity exercise and need it to balance their high need for food. They also do well with creative activity because they are very intelligent. Food wise they will do better by staying away from overly damp foods such as ice cream, pizza, cheese, and a lot of meat. Foods with lighter and higher energy such as chicken fish, grains, and all kinds of vegetables and fruits will be good for them.

So you see, Ayurveda can be simple when you break it down. If you’re interested in finding out what type you are, visit this site. And if you’d like to find out which foods suit your type (it’s often based on season as well), visit here. Ayurveda also follows food combining guidelines (only eating certain foods together) but as long as you stick to more natural foods, food combining isn’t always necessary.

Grieving and Healing

2011-03-15T15:24:00.000-07:00

I’ve noticed a recurrent theme circling my thoughts and life in the past few months. Perhaps this theme hasn’t been true for my own life experience, but it’s present in the outer layer of my mind…which makes it real for me in a sense. This theme isn’t a pleasant one, and it has left me feeling unsettled at times. A few months ago I read a book with a detailed rape scene. A few weeks ago I experienced two heavy conversations surrounding the topic of rape and violence. And just two days ago, my community suffered the burden of a tragedy so unwarranted, we are still left speechless. I won’t discuss in great detail what happened (if you want to research, look up Lululemon Bethesda Homicide), but two women were assaulted in the middle of an affluent and popular area in MD. One was raped and left to be found, and one was killed. In this day and age, tragedies like this strike the news everyday. Yet we live in our bubble, and when it’s not completely real to us, we don’t experience it fully.

I was in New York City when I learned of what happened so close to my home, and tried not to give it much thought. After my recent conversations I was somewhat avoidant of the thoughts of such violence. I was exhausted mentally and physically from two traveling weekends, and simply didn’t have the energy to put into grasping the situation fully. When I set foot in my work place on Monday I was greeted with more details than I could have read in the news, and emotions flew. I encountered people at work who knew the victims, and this changed the emotions once again. It went from an awful image in my mind to a tangible, real experience. I experienced their pain, their questioning of life, their disbelief. While all of us avoided processing real emotion, we did our best to work through it and make jokes to keep happy faces. What else were we to do besides cover our emotions and work professionally? Upon leaving work, I was happy to be back at my regular yoga class at Sacred Space. Being in Kim's is always an emotional experience, but this proved to be quite a test for me. She dedicated the class to those suffering in

Japan

(worthy of a whole different blog post). She encouraged us to focus 100% of our energy on those who are suffering in the world, and to do only what we are able to do for them. Even if we don’t have the means to physically give back, or give cash, we were invited to give our pure energy of devotion to the healing of the world. This stems from our everyday actions, whether it is being friendly to who you encounter at the bank and the grocery store, or doing something special to remind someone you love them. I chose to dedicate my practice to the victims of the local tragedy, and their families and friends.

Throughout practice, my mind circled continuously and my emotions ran through my like a river. My tears were constant and it felt wonderful to release it through a physical practice. What I struggled with (and I still am), is the justification of it all. When we try to wrap our minds around the awful things that people do to each other, we can sometimes find the reason. For example, a war is waged based upon political disagreements, accusations, etc. Yet an act like this one, seemingly unexpected and unprecedented, is extremely hard to find reasoning for.

I’ve been interested in the flow of life and why things happen the way they do for a few years. I’ve done my best to wrap my mind around the theory that we all attract what comes to us. Just because something happens to us that is painful or negative doesn’t mean we’re bad people, but we somehow did attract it….right? How on earth did these women attract an act so horrific that it makes me sick to my stomach? How do we justify THIS?

As I always do when I encounter an emotionally trying situation, I discussed it with my closest friends. I asked them these questions, I pleaded with them to help me understand. What they offered for me was not the cure I was grasping for, but perhaps a push in the right direction of acceptance. They shed the light for me that while this act committed was so painful and damaging, there must be some kind of light at the end of the tunnel. Out of all pain comes beauty and healing. Perhaps this situation will teach us all something. It may not be easy to see it now, when we’re in the midst of the darkness and confusion. My dear friends helped me to remember that now that the act is done, it is finished. The healing starts now, for everyone involved and for everyone on the outside. These situations bring up emotions for all of us, and it is up to us to take hold of our own healing. Once we begin our healing, we can send out our positive energy to those who need it. Everyone needs healing on some level or another, at some time in their life.

I’m taking the recent tragedies as a reminder to me that life is short. We have only one that we know of, and it is not to be wasted. Perhaps this occurrence will inspire women to explore self defense that will someday help save a life. What I do know is that it’s time to tap into what I really want out of my life, and to create it. For if this life is taken from me or changed unexpectedly in a way that will limit my capacity to live the way I do now, I want to know with every fiber in me that I didn’t waste a second. I’m taking this lesson as a reminder. I’m dedicating my practice and my teaching this week and in the coming weeks to those who suffer with lingering questions of "why"?

Hangover Home Remedy

2011-03-08T15:34:00.000-08:00

Along with the theme of natural cold busters, I came up for air one morning after just one too many glasses of champagne (it was New Year’s Eve and free, what is a girl to do?) Anyway due to the fact that I don’t drink very often, I had quite a long process of getting out of bed. Once I did I was bent on curing my hangover quickly so I could be productive. Some things I tried definitely worked. I’ve heard of others too. Read below to find out quick and easy hangover home remedies:

Ginger: good for nausea. Simply cut a few slices of raw ginger, boil, add honey/lemon juice/orange juice to your liking, and sip. Sipping hot liquids in general helps to drain the lymph which will increase circulation to get toxins moving out of your system faster.
Food: I know it’s not fun to think about eating when dealing with a hangover but food is energy! Light and easy to digest foods are best (toast, soup, some people can tolerate fruit). For me, I had an orange to boost my blood sugar a bit, and a banana (to re-distribute lost potassium), an apple, and avocado with some honey. Worked wonders!
Evening primrose oil is said to help prevent hangovers. Eating peanut butter before drinking is an African remedy, and eating Almonds before drinking is a Native American prevention technique.
Exercise: obviously exercising is NOT on the list of things to do. But if you can get it in you to take a leisurely walk it will increase circulation and get oxygen to the brain (it needs it, trust us!)
If you can remember WHILE you’re partaking in the liver damaging beverage, drink lots of water before going to bed. This will cut de-hydration in half.
Of course sleep is always the magic aid for almost any ailment. If you’re unable to sleep, simply close the blinds and rest. Rest does wonders.

So there we have it. Natural hangover remedies. Of course the best remedy is to watch yourself and make sure you don’t overpass your limit that will leave you feeling bad. We’re all so perfect that we should be able to do that right? Well, we can do our best most of the time…but sometimes we are human beings and we do things that are probably not so great for us. Don’t beat yourself up just treat yourself well and you can heal yourself in no time.

Look ahead for tips on balancing your life and diet with Ayurvedic medicine made simple.

Easy And Natural Cold Busters

2011-02-27T16:07:00.001-08:00

It’s the season of stuffy noses, temperature and weather extremes (for some of us)! For everyone who’s suffering from the post holiday cold symptoms blues, here are some quick and natural cold busters. Some are what we all know and try to do when we’re sick, and some are probably new to your eyes.

1. Vitamin C – yes we all know get lots of Vitamin C. Oranges are a plus, but vitamin C is in lots of other things like kiwi and other fruits. If you’re going to get Vitamin C, have it be natural instead of the pill form. Be careful on Vitamin C loading, too much could lead to kidney stones and diarrhea.

2. Soup – Grandma knew best. It’s an ancient tradition to have chicken soup when sick. Sipping hot fluids will stimulate your lymph system to drain better, and chicken soup has loads of nutrients to stimulate healing. Chicken is good for energy if you eat animal products, and if not vegetable based soup or a thin squash soup has just the same effects.

3. Garlic – a natural antibiotic and used for healing for ages. There’s a secret remedy of raw garlic, lime juice, and honey mixed together (kind of like a shooter) or blended with water for a whole drink. Have this mixture as often as you can and watch the sickness melt away. Lemon also helps. Roasting garlic is a good way to get garlic in a cooked way. Simply pour oil over an entire clove, roast in the oven until crispy and break open the pods to pop out the garlic. Ayurvedic doctors suggest making ear oil out of roasted garlic and loading it into the ear holes to treat ear infections and general ailments. More posts coming soon on Ayurvedic lifestyle and treatments for ailment.

4. Steam humidifier – simply being in the bathroom during a warm shower or breathing deeply over a steaming pot on the stove can do the trick to open up sinuses and clean out.

5. Neti pot – another ancient Ayurvedic goldmine. This little pot is used for nasal cleansing. All you do is tip it to one side in the nose while leaning over, and let the salt mixed solution run over the top of the nasal passage. Saltwater gargle can also have some of the same effects.

6. Let The Fever Work Through It’s Course! Taking medicine to fight a fever is necessary sometimes when we need to, but if at all possible simply let your fever run through the course it needs to. This is a cleansing for the body and builds good disease fighting bacteria in the body. Antibiotics kill ALL bacteria, the good ones too. So if you can, let it stick around for awhile until it’s ready to leave on its’ own.

Stay tuned for coming posts on Natural Hangover Busters, and a simple guide to balancing yourself with Ayurvedic lifestyle.

Staying Authentic

2011-02-21T17:25:00.000-08:00

Being "spiritually minded" has so many different definitions these days. Some preach about a spiritual practice and may not be fully living it with their actions and life choices. Perhaps they look the part, but it doesn’t always mean they’re living in truth. A common theme discussed by those in the spiritual realm is that difficulties arise when we are very open and constantly encounter different types of energies and experiences. Going through the motions of life is much easier when emotions are closed off or numbed. We all know those whom are always calm, all the time…even in crisis. One might wonder how they do it. Are they covering their emotions (consciously or without knowing)? The outcome of the situation is usually the same either way. What we don’t know is what those covered emotions does to their being. What happens to them on the inside when they hold it in?

There are those whom are reactive and explosive to everything. The slightest challenge (perhaps one that is a mere annoyance to others) can cause a disturbance. These kinds of emotions are so fragile. To observe from the outside is kind of like the train wreck phenomenon…no one really wants to watch yet we cannot look away. This is because when we see others expressing themselves (even if it is in a way we see as negative), we are in awe at their ability to do so. It reminds us of the reality of emotion. The lesson is available when one can observe this kind of emotion from the inside during the actual experience. When we can learn how to see these reactions coming, we can learn how to monitor them so they are more easily detected. Simply because we see these emotions within ourselves doesn’t mean we have to react or respond to them.

Trungpa suggests that true compassion is not making everything sweet, but to be authentic. To be in truth and authenticity all the time can appear harsh, but the opportunity to grow and learn comes from truth. This space comes when we show others our real self, and give them the room to experience theirs. This allows everyone the space to grow. As we do so, we may get burned. When we are open, just because we don't intend on harming others, does not mean that others have no intention of harming us. We sit back and take it in stride, all the while attempting to keep our cool, right?

A very wise woman told me once: "Some people hide in their darkness, and some hide in their light." Many of us have been through the phase where everything in life is beautiful and wonderful (maybe even sugar-coated?) How lovely it is to be on a mindfulness or yoga retreat where everything is clean, people are full of love, and there are no clocks or places to be. Yet, that's not the real world most of us know. Life’s lesson is to see how we react when we step out onto the street and spill our coffee or get bumped into by that stranger who is walking just a little too fast on their cell phone. Sometimes we hide in our darkness as well; it’s all we can do.

What we really want is to see things as they are without a tinted lens. Outside of a controlled spiritual practice such as meditation, yoga, dance, chanting, martial arts, etc. one can practice constant mindfulness. Mindfulness changes form as we grow, as all things do.

Helpful thoughts and reminders are (but not limited to):

· When a person or experience comes in front of you, it is your attraction. There is a reason it is there and so we can learn from it.

· Whether it is a positive or challenging experience makes no difference. Notice the emotion that is tied into the experience, where does it go in the body?

· How does your mind react?

· How far into the mental story do you go before you realize that this experience may be insignificant in the grand scheme of your life?

· How often do you tell yourself something that you wish you were or could do, but never take the steps to do it? When you see someone else in front of you do it, how does it make you feel?

· How do you react to criticism?

· What is your knee jerk reaction to situations in life? (positive, challenging, physically and mentally challenging or stimulating, stress, confrontation, judgment, family or love conflicts etc.)

· What REALLY matters to you?

· What makes you feel energized and free?

· What brings about positive reactions from you?

· At what times do you feel more prone to control, be lazy, engage in harmful addictions, distract yourself or procrastinate?

All of these awareness exercises can serve as a guide to begin noticing patterns we fall into. Every person has a different patterns based upon their ideals. When we are more present and in tune with who we are and who we want to be for the world, those whom we come into contact with will benefit. This process trickles out through our families, communities, and beyond.

Some say the purpose of life is to open one self to all that is. We hope that what we experience is full of love, but we accept it is not always so. We embrace the parts of life that involves suffering. We open our arms to invite darkness in, knowing it too will pass. There is no wishing, there is only what is. What is will be, until it is not anymore, and so the cycle of life continues. Where do we come from, and where do we go? No one really knows, and isn't that the wonder of it all? Who would REALLY want to know all there is to know, what else would there be left for us to discover and learn?

Some suggested reading is:

Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism by Chogyam Trungpa
Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach
The Big Questions by Lama Surya Das

It's All Love

2010-06-20T15:55:00.000-07:00

Happy Father's Day! On this day, we're all reminded of different things but one thing connecting it all is that we're surrounded by love. If you've got a Father who lives up to all you could ever ask for in a parent, it may seem a little easier to recognize this love. And if you've been through the loss of a Father either through physical death or perhaps a mental disconnect, this love could be harder to tap into. Yet that's where the heart of our practice is. To seek love is not why we're here..the fleeting times when we feel that it's already here is our gift.

Through being loved and returning love to my own Father, I feel extremely blessed on this day. He has been a constant in my life. Even when my parents ended their marriage, he stepped up to the plate to give all he had for his children. I realized in my adult years that my parents are just people, trying to work out their own issues. That was a hard one, to realize that my parents are not the all-perfecting figures I always thought them to be as a child. This realization brought to me even more appreciation for them and what they gave to their kids. Through their own struggle and pain through countless issues (many of which I may not even know about), they stayed present for the sake of their children and their progress into adulthood.

My Dad has always been the "good guy." I can probably count the times he was legitimately angry with me on one hand. Now this isn't to say he didn't provide a strong guiding hand in my youth because as a teen I felt like I wasn't allowed to do anything...oh how lucky my friends were to be driving around on their own time doing whatever they pleased while I was at home. The humanity of it all, that I should have to do my homework! Now I recognize how lucky I am to have parents that cared enough to make life a little more difficult for themselves through requiring me to live up to whatever standard they held for me. I learned at a young age to figure out for myself what was right and wrong. And though I've made my fair share of choices that I've been unsure of as "right" in the moment, I see that they were right for me in my path to get to where I am now. As I continue on this path, not sure of what lies ahead (and pretty excited for that wonder), I'm cultivating a new way of living. This new way stems from simply doing what I feel is best for me in the moment. I've been known to push myself due to some kind of idea that I have of the way things "should" be, or what other people want me to do. This has materialized through all my years up until this one of my 25th, I have spent a lot of energy trying to live up to what others expect (or what I think they expect even if I don't know for sure). Instead, treating the self well is the best thing you can do for those you love and for those who you don't even know. When you're kind to yourself, it's easier to be kind to others. When you love yourself, it's more natural to give others the space to love themselves too.

So on this day, what's important for me is to enjoy my moments with family and to open myself to receiving their love. Once open to receive, love permeates through all of our cells. Once we're filled up with that love, others can benefit from it in a way that they may not even be aware of at first. And when along comes an emotion that isn't so full of light, recognition that this is love too is important for me to remember. All emotions are love..they can all bring us to a higher connection with ourselves. After connecting with ourselves in a more true sense, our loved ones feel a spacious love that is different from the kind that places expectations. I give to my Father on this special day the feelings of love I have for him, yet the space to feel his own love that I cannot possibly comprehend because it's not me.

Walking The Presence Line

2010-05-31T15:54:00.000-07:00

I've been reading about meditation and spiritual practice for a few years, and though I'm certainly not an expert I've come across more information on the topic than I ever expected for myself. Some information still seems hard for me to grasp, and some becomes such a big part of me that I feel it's locked into my memory. Currently, there are a few books I'm really enjoying to help guide my patterns of thought and reactions. Ben gave me both of these books in hopes of helping me find a way to release some anxiety, and I'm certain the books play a role in the coming of ease I've felt in the past few weeks. Riddled with some tense feelings for longer than I was accustomed to, I was beginning to feel that I was stuck in a pattern of negative thought. We all go through these fluctuations through our outer and inner experiences, and mine happened to manifest in outer and inner ways simultaneously. Among what felt like constant presentations of self doubt and tests in personal and professional life, I found myself feeling overwhelmed. I hadn't felt this overwhelmed in some time and it reminded me just how vulnerable I am. I'm thankful that I was eventually able to realize that it was simply another experience, and I should be glad for something different. Through change that is and will be forever present, I am constantly reminded that if circumstances stayed the same (even if they're enjoyable for the moment), there would be no excitement and no wonder for life. Though we come across people and situations in every way of life that give us a chance to tap into emotion, what good would it do if it were constantly only the positive ones? Adversity is a reality of life and noticing my own reactions and judgments of it is a priceless lesson. Something new is a blessing, even if it's in disguise.

One of the books I'm enjoying as an aide for this self observance is a book on meditations called "Taming the Tiger Within" by Thich Nhat Hanh. This book is a compiled collection of short thoughts on being mindful with our emotions. Though there are countless entries to be discussed, one that resonates with me fully for now is: "When you are carried away with your worries, fears, cravings, anger, and desire, you run away from yourself and you lose yourself." Sounds like the story of my life! I know I have a long way to go and I'm still working in every moment that I can remember, but I also pat myself on the back from time to time when I notice just how lost I've become. I constantly find myself engrossed in such a mental story that it could probably fill the pages of a book. I often wonder if it's like that for everyone else and then I realize that is just a mental escape too...to compare my own experience to that of others. I am sure others have similar experiences to mine and I am sure others have experiences that are to the opposite extremes of my own. Sitting at lunch the other day during my birthday celebration with co-workers, we started talking about zodiac signs. Another teacher has the same birthday as mine and she brought up that her and her husband have the same birthday. A different teacher commented that people of the Gemini signs are ruled by their thoughts as an air sign. It was so ironic that I only tuned into the conversation for that one particular comment..I had been lost in my own head while sitting amongst a group of people there to celebrate my own birthday!

I feel grateful for the practice I've found that helps me notice my own patterns instead of being constantly unaware. I went to a yoga class recently where the teacher said "once you're in your heart, you're stuck there and you gotta sit with it...there's no getting out." I've thought and spoken with friends about this many times after realizing that the more present I am, the more I feel deeply. How wonderful it is to be on an upswing and feel on a deeper level than ever before: love, happiness, contentment, joy, the list goes on. Yet as it is in all ways of life that surround the search for truth, with all ups come downs. And with higher ups, come lower lows. So I've felt my low points on a deeper level too, which can be scary. I found one way to cope with deep set feelings of sadness and despair is to notice where it sits in my body. Where do I really feel it? For everyone it's different and for different experiences the feelings sit in different places for me. I heard a spiritual teacher mention the necessity of those in our lives who bring us to the places when we feel emotions. She calls it a "charge" when someone puts you in a spot of feeling emotion. It's easier to notice the emotions that are associated with negativity, but these charges can serve for positive emotions as well. A dear friend of mine referred to it recently as a "little Buddha", because it is our teacher. I always think to myself that I don't come across a lot of people that really charge me up in negative ways..I like to think I'm agreeable. Yet when I tap into the layer of real emotion, I notice that my own way of being "agreeable" simply covers up deeper emotions surrounded with judgment and anger. And that goes wayyyyy back to a time when my current experience wasn't even an inkling of an occurrence, it goes way back into my own pattern of reacting that was formed at such a young age that I wasn't even aware of what my emotions were. Noticing the source of that anger is a constant practice. Noticing the other emotions goes hand in hand with the anger. After coming in contact with a good number of charges in the past year, I've tried numerous ways of dealing with those emotions. The best way I've found for my own practice is to notice where my physical body feels that emotion, what my mind does as a reaction to it, the self talk that came before and that comes after the emotion, and if it has an effect on my mental state.

My sources of charges just like mostly everyone else comes in the form of co-workers, fellow students & professors in class, friends, young students at school, family members, and people I don't even know. As I come across someone who is active in my daily life or a person that I have no relationship with, noticing my own self talk regarding that person shows me where my thoughts are lingering. Is my reaction based on their attitude? Their clothing or physical appearance? The way they converse with me including tone of voice and body language? Their reaction to my reactions? Is my reaction positive, negative, or neutral? Is there something that bothers me so much to the point where I feel high emotion, yet to someone else it's not even a second thought?

Working with special needs children who require 100% of your attention leaves little time for adult communication. Finding communication to be SO essential to building successful relationships, I found it quite the challenge to be in an atmosphere where so much communication was one sided. Either it was between student and adult (the students literally cannot communicate properly so that's always interesting), or it was being informed the proper way to do things and end of discussion type deal. One thing I have noticed in my professional life is that there are constant happenings that seem to highly charge up emotions in others, yet it seems to me just an occurrence passing through. Of course the classroom vibes were highly influenced by the fact that our entire staff is female and all of our students are male. It certainly made for an interesting school year and classroom atmosphere. The fine line for me is that I wonder if I am covering up my true feelings on it, if I am avoiding how it makes me feel, or if I am backing away from it because I simply refuse to engage in those types of scenarios. On the other side of that argument with the self, I like to believe it's perfectly acceptable for me to observe another in the way they experience something, and stay neutral to the situation without providing further escalation to my own experience. What a paradox it seems sometimes! Though this work experience is one of the most challenging I have ever faced, it was also such an amazing learning experience. Our motto for helping our little ones with Autism is that we try our best to find the things that are really tough for them, and make it somehow easier...even if it's by 1%. I like to think I approach life in this way sometimes. When I find something that's really difficult, especially when it involves the well being of others, I try to make it easier. How can I make a situation easier for myself? How can I make it easier for them? Realizing that I can only have control over my own emotions and reactions to things, has helped me begin to release the death grip...even if it's only by 1%. There are simply some things that are out of our control. And on the other hand, there are so many things that are in our control if we find the approach that works in harmony with how we see our life unfolding.

I also wanted to share a little tool I gained from the Insight Meditation Community that hosts the weekly meditations I mentioned in a previous post. There is a mindfulness bell you can program into your computer to go off at certain intervals (as often or little as you prefer), and whenever the bell rings you simply use it as a reminder to notice how you feel in that moment. Click here to explore the bell. The bell just went off for me again and I'm going to end this post to sit for a moment and see what has changed since the last time it rang :) DING!

New Moon

2010-05-13T15:52:00.000-07:00

The Taurus New Moon is upon us! This new moon reminds us to become fully embodied in all of our experiences. Some of these experiences may not always be what we feel is ideal for our moment, but if we stay present and see it through, it will always pass. To feel every part of the ups an downs is what we're really here for. Once you begin to tap into your experience on a deeper level, your times of pleasure and happiness may be that much more enjoyable. With times of heightened pleasure and happiness, we will also feel the downside of our experiences on a deeper level. Meet your emotions at the door and welcome them in, treat them as your guest no matter what they bring. When they take you really low, just lay low with it and wait for a new guest to arrive.

With this new moon energy surrounding us, set an intention for yourself. Let your intuition bring your intention to you, instead of trying to come up with a good one. Whatever is brought to you without effort will be the good one. The best times to release your intention into the world begin this evening (Thursday) and last until the late hours of Saturday night. Use this time to tap into what can be new for you. With the change of seasons in full swing this is the perfect time to re-commit and bring a shift to something you may have let fall to the side, or to find something that will be a whole new addition to your life. I'd like to share a poem I heard a few months ago at a women's moon gathering (thanks Martha!) This poem has stuck with me through quite a few of my experiences since I heard it, and serves a wonderful purpose for my current moment.

Allow, by Danna Faulds:

"There is no controlling life.
Try corralling a lightning bolt,
containing a tornado. Dam a
stream and it will create a new
channel. Resist, and the tide
will sweep you off your feet.
Allow, and grace will carry
you to higher ground. The only
safety lies in letting it all in –
the wild and the weak; fear,
fantasies, failures and success.
When loss rips off the doors of
the heart, or sadness veils your
vision with despair, practice
becomes simply bearing the truth.
In the choice to let go of your
known way of being, the whole
world is revealed to your new eyes."

Mother's Day

2010-05-09T15:51:00.000-07:00

I am so lucky, in so many ways! On this day I'm noticing just how lucky I am with the Mother I've been blessed with. The utmost respect, gratitude, unconditional love and compassion, and hope goes out for mine. I hope you can send the same to yours. And if there isn't an acting Mother or mothering figure present in your life, you can make it your connection with the Mother Earth. The Earth we inhabit is the most sacred of all....she gives us every single thing that keeps us alive and moving! She is powerful and overwhelmed, yet soft and inviting in her own way too. Take time today to show your true gratitude for the mothering power in your life, whatever it may be.

After sitting around the table at my Uncle's first family gathering since the holiday season, I was surprised by how wonderful and soothing it was to just be in the presence of loved ones. Some of us may not have as many as others, and some of us may have a number that is overwhelming to us. The principle is, it's all love and it's all for us. On Mother's day we appreciate the yin part of our life...the soft & gentle, feminine, healing, caring, tranquil, light, restful. After reminiscing with my mother about childhood times, I came to remember so many little yet priceless moments. At the gathering, I was sitting at the table that was for only current and future mothers (all women...cousins, grandmother, aunts, mother, sisters), and my brother took it upon himself to join the women table. Though perhaps it put a damper on the "woman" effect of having only females sitting, it was a wonderful balance too. I was also highly impressed that he was bold enough to pull up a chair to the levels of estrogen sitting in such a small space! I was reminded of the beauty of balance of yin and yang. When all the other men at the gathering filtrated back into the common room, it was once again yin and yang. The balance of the yang and masculine brought strength, heat, activity, fiery energy and conversation. It would be madness to think about life without the balance. So on this day, my morning consisted of a feminine, soft, quiet meditation and yoga practice (very soft asana being that I still wear a mini boot on my injured foot...a post in itself about patience and being still). My afternoon consisted of more masculinity, with productivity, energy and activity, and constructive thought. I have once again been reminded that men have softness too. And for the mothers and future mothers...strength is present even during times of weakness. Let us all be aware of our true dual natures today.

Change Is In The Air

2010-05-06T15:49:00.000-07:00

These past few weeks have brought up some huge changes for me. Change in general can be scary and intimidating and exciting and freeing alike. While embracing the fact that it is perfectly okay to not know all the answers, things suddenly get a little easier. Sitting with a fractured foot and not being able to practice my "usual" asana, I've been given a little jump start into being more mindful and incorporating more meditation so that I can better adapt to the changes that arise. These changes are simply shifts in emotions, thoughts, daily routines, weather, food preferences, and so much more.

After finding an amazing weekly meditation sit through the Insight Meditation Community on Wednesday evenings in Bethesda, I've felt a slight shift in the amount of stress and anxiety I feel. I was first exposed to Tara Brach at a meditation workshop led by a dear friend of mine (Steve Haddad leads Vipassana Meditation in Baltimore City). After hearing Tara speak in person I am that much more impressed and soothed by her teachings. Last night's meditation was led by a guest speaker by the name of Anh-Houng Nguyen. After being in the presence of these wonderful women who have to do no more than simply call your attention to your own breath, sensations, and feelings; I feel inspired once again. After being instructed to "dial 911" and call my "inner Buddha" to the rescue, I have once again found my breath as the most useful and humble teacher of all. Coming up in mid June (17-20) is a big event for the IMC at American University called Buddha Fest which will include Buddhist teachings, films, and entertainment. After just two positive experiences with this humble community I'm looking forward to having the opportunity to see what this weekend is all about!